Dear Beth,
I’ve always been self-conscious about my vagina because one side is noticeably longer than the other. I’m single and always nervous with new partners because I’m afraid they’ll think it’s weird.
I’m also so embarrassed about it that I’ve never let anyone go down on me even though I’m 25 and my friends think I’m just a prude.
What should I do?
Sincerely,
Worried About My Lips
Dear Lip Worrier,
First off, I want to give you a big virtual hug for asking what thousands of women are worried about but are afraid to put into words. It takes guts to talk about this stuff, and I'm glad you did.
I totally get why you're feeling self-conscious. Our bodies are shamed for so many things, and society doesn't exactly make it easy to feel good about whatever we’ve got, you know? Especially when we rarely see other women’s genitals so we don’t really know what other people look like. But here's the thing – and I really want you to hear this – there is no such thing as a "normal" shape for vulvas. Seriously! Each vulva is like a snowflake, incredibly unique and, yes, often asymmetrical!
Now you might have noticed I used the word “vulva” instead of vagina. I just want to take a minute to clarify that the vulva refers to the external female genitalia as a whole, including the labia majora (the larger, fleshier outer “lips” around the vaginal opening and are typically covered with pubic hair), labia minora (sometimes smaller, thinner, inner “lips” that lie just inside the labia majora) clitoris, urethral opening (it’s surrounded by the labia minora and is where urine exits the body), vaginal opening (the entrance to the vagina) and the Mons pubis (the soft mound above the labia which is where most pubic hair grows). While the vaginal opening is part of the vulva, the vagina itself is inside the body. It’s the canal that leads to the cervix and uterus and is often referred to as the birth canal.
Ok, thanks for indulging my brief anatomy lesson! Now, back to your concerns.
Comparing vulvas is like comparing hands to feet. Sure they both have five appendages and grip things, but beyond that, they look completely differently! Or if you prefer, think about the beauty of flowers and how there are so many different varieties and none is intrinsically any better than the other.
The fact is, every labia majora varies in size, thickness, and even color. Not just from woman to woman, but from side to side on the same woman! One might be flat or rounded, their color can range from pink to brown or even purple and they might be slightly wrinkled or smooth.
Each labia minora can also be extremely different from person to person or side to side, especially with respect to size. Some women have longer or more asymmetrical labia minora that extend beyond the labia majora. Others have smaller, shorter, thinner inner lips. Some may be almost completely hidden by the labia majora. Coloration can also range from pink to brown or purplish, while the texture may be smooth or slightly ridged.
In short, there is no "normal" when it comes to vulvas. Differences in shape, size, and color are all normal and are influenced by factors like genetics, age, and hormonal changes. This variability is part of the uniqueness of each woman and natural variation of human anatomy. I promise, it doesn’t make you any less beautiful. Here’s the thing- anyone who’s lucky enough to be naked with you should be far more focused on pleasure, connection, and excitement than cataloging your bits!
As for avoiding oral sex because of embarrassment, it’s really important to do what you are comfortable with—not because you feel pressured or insecure, but because you’re ready and willing to explore that kind of pleasure. If you want to experience it, go for it! Trust that your partner is going to be focused on how to please you, not on judging you. After all, you’re not planning to judge the size, coloration or curvature of their penis.
Lastly, I promise you that the more comfortable you get with your body, the more sexy fun you’ll have. After all, sexy isn’t about thinking, it’s about feeling. And your unique vulva was designed to give YOU truly orgasmic pleasure!
Big hugs and remember—you are a gorgeous flower!
Xoxox,
Beth
PS: Check out https://www.thevulvagallery.com/stories to see for yourself how uniquely different vulvas can be!