Smooth Operator

Posted by Beth Darling on Feb 21st 2024

Smooth Operator

Dear Beth,

I spend a lot of time and effort getting ready for dates with my boyfriend. I make sure my legs are always shaved and I get waxed regularly. My boyfriend does nothing, even though he has a lot of body hair. We’ve been together a year and I don’t think he’s ever even trimmed any of it. I can live with his back hair if I have to, but it’s not much fun for me to go down on him because I wind up with a mouthful of hair.

How do I get him to do some manscaping without insulting him?

Not a Furry Fan

Hey, Not a Furry Fan,

I’m so glad you brought this up, so many women are shy about asking for a little manscaping but not having to navigate through a forest can make oral fun much more “fun." Of course, introducing the topic of manscaping with your partner can indeed be a delicate matter, which is why I’m impressed that you're considering how to approach it in a way that is respectful and considerate.

I’m glad to offer a few suggestions about how to make this conversation as smooth as you hope he might be! Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that body grooming is a personal choice and everyone has their own comfort levels. However, when it's about enhancing mutual enjoyment in intimacy, it becomes a shared concern. It's all about finding that balance between personal preferences and mutual satisfaction. Above all, ensure that he knows your suggestion comes from a place of love and desire for mutual enjoyment, not criticism. Your comfort and enjoyment are important, but so are his feelings and self-image.

When broaching the subject, choose a relaxed and private time, not right before or after being intimate, as those moments can be emotionally charged. Instead, find a time and setting where you both are relaxed and feeling emotionally connected. No matter how you bring it up, lead with curiosity rather than judgment. Avoid things that could be interpreted as insulting, such as “you’re so hairy...” I can tell you from experience that approach doesn’t usually end well, lol.

Better that you start by expressing how much you enjoy being naked with him and then gently introduce the idea of manscaping as something that could enhance your experience together. Emphasize that this is about enhancing pleasure for both of you. Let him know it’s not a demand but a suggestion for something new to explore together. If it was me, I’d probably make a comment like, "I absolutely love touching and kissing you all’s fun to watch how your body responds!" Then I’d continue: "I was wondering how you'd feel about trying a little manscaping so your skin is a little more exposed to my touch? I think it might make things even more fun for both of us.”

If he's open to the idea but unsure about how to proceed, offer to explore options together. There are plenty of resources available that can guide on safe and comfortable grooming practices. Making it a joint activity can turn it into a fun and intimate experience, rather than a chore. Look up some tips together, plan a date night around shaving him, have a laugh, or maybe even shop together for some grooming goodies. There are lots of fun, flirty ways to tackle it together.

Also, make sure it’s a two-way conversation. Ask if there are things he’d like to suggest as well. This can be an opportunity to deepen your communication and explore new dimensions of your relationship. You could say, "I'm always excited to try new things with you. What are you curious about? Is there anything you might want one of us to try? I think some new “looks” could be a fun, new experience for us."

As awkward as it is to start these conversations, the upside is that these little chats can actually bring you closer and spice things up in ways you might not expect.

Here’s hoping it’s a smooth road forward for you and your well-groomed man!