Dear Beth,
I’m single this Valentine’s Day, but all of my friends have boyfriends so I’m feeling left out
already.
How do I avoid feeling really sad and lonely on the actual day?
Single and Sad
Dear Single and Sad,
Been there, done that. Don’t want that for you!
I spent a lot of Valentine’s with partners that I knew weren’t right for me just because I was
afraid of feeling unwanted and unloveable. Ad agencies want you to believe that it’s about
impressing others with showy gifts and outings, and I bought into that superficial perspective for
a long time. Then one year, I finally realized that I was missing the point.
I realized that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a celebration of intimate love. And that
changed everything for me!
I decided that after a lifetime of going out of my way to celebrate my beloved friends and family,
it was time to celebrate, even honor, the love I finally had for myself.
So, I suggest you do like I’m going to this year. Romance yourself.
After all, loving yourself is key, regardless of relationship status. In fact, when you prioritize
healthy self-love, you’re not only nurturing your well-being, but also building confidence, which is
incredibly magnetic to others. It’s cliche, but true, If we can’t create our own pleasure and
happiness, no one else will be able to, either.
That being said, my personal plan for Vday is to spoil myself with love using each of the Five
Kinds of Intimacy* to give myself everything I need to feel completely satisfied. Below are some
ideas for how you can incorporate meaningful intimacy into your solo celebration. Note: they are
in order of intimacy types as I usually explain them, but I suggest that as long as you pick some thing(s) from each,
you should create your celebration using them in any order that suits
you.
1. Physical Intimacy: Treat your body with care and attention. Start with a relaxing bath
using sensual bath bombs or aromatic oils. Follow it up with a luxurious body lotion or
massage oil—take your time applying it, feeling every inch of your skin. After all this
sensual stimulation, indulge in some orgasmic self-pleasure. Maybe try a new sexy
vibrator or two, just so you can enjoy some new sensations.
2. Emotional Intimacy: Write yourself a love letter. Reflect on all the things you admire
and appreciate about yourself—your resilience, your kindness, your humor, your sense
of adventure, etc. You’ll be amazed at how powerful this can be. I hope you’ll save it as a
reminder of your worth and pull it out on the inevitable hard days.
3. Sexual Intimacy: Don’t shy away from exploring your erotic pleasure. If you’ve been shy
about doing this with a partner, today’s a great time to explore without worrying about
anyone else’s judgement. This is the perfect opportunity to discover what brings you the
most pleasure. Certainly you can always use your fingers, but maybe you’ve always
secretly wondered about butt plugs, or nipple clamps, or clitoral arousal products? Why
not make today a real adventure? Go to Sara’s Secret and ask one of my team members
to help you pick something fun and exciting based solely on your desires. This isn’t
about replacing a partner—it’s about learning what gives your body pleasure and
celebrating the miracle of orgasms.
4. Spiritual Intimacy: Throughout all of this, focus on the joy and love you’re cultivating
within yourself. Instead of shaming yourself for perceived flaws, appreciate that you are
a perfectly imperfect human. Accepting yourself is necessary to love yourself. If you are
spiritual or religious, remind yourself that you, your heart, mind and body were created
by the divine and to refuse to truly appreciate yourself fully is to refuse the greatest gift
ever. If you find yourself straying off course from appreciation, gratitude or pleasure,
take a few deep breaths at any time today to feel more connected to your body and
spirit.
5. Romantic Intimacy: Set the mood! Seduce yourself! Light candles, play soft music, and
create an atmosphere that feels seductive just for you. Treat yourself to your favorite
foods and drinks, dress up in an outfit that makes you feel confident and sexy. Forego all
guilt today so you can watch a movie you adore, read some erotica or simply dance
around your space to music that makes you feel alive.
I promise you, loving yourself is where it all starts! When you show yourself this kind of love and
attention, it’s like flipping on your inner light—you’ll feel confident, joyful, and totally magnetic.
And let’s be real, that kind of energy is irresistible! So enjoy loving yourself this Valentine’s
Day—you’re worth every ounce of pleasure, adventure and fun you can give yourself.
Who knows? You might even realize you’re the best Valentine you’ve ever had. ❤️
With heaps of love,
Beth
* For more information, check out my book, The 5 Kinds of Intimacy
(https://bethdarling.com/)