Hey Beth,
I swear I love Christmas, but the second the kids are home and the house turns into a circus, all the fun drains out of it.
My wife’s running around stressed, trying to handle gifts, travel, and family stuff, and I get it, she’s exhausted. It’s like she doesn’t even notice me. It feels like as soon as we put up the tree, our sex life goes into hibernation until Valentine’s Day.
I don’t want to beg for pity sex, but I’m tired of feeling like her platonic roommate instead of her husband. How do I bring back some peace, some connection, and honestly some sex during all this holiday chaos?
Hating the Holidays,
Henry
Dear Henry,
You are absolutely not the only one who feels this way. December has this magical way of turning everyone into overworked, frustrated elves, and nothing kills desire faster. It is important to find ways to maintain connection during the holidays.
And yes, you can bring the spark back during the busiest month of the year. You just have to be smart about it. Don’t chase the sex. Chase the woman. (Big difference. Better results.)
Start by easing her load a little, not because you think it earns you sex points, but because when a woman feels supported and not all alone in the chaos, she naturally softens. She becomes more open to affection and to feeling like her sensual self again.
Handle a few things she absolutely hates doing. Take the kids out so she can breathe or take a long bubble bath. Do things like shopping, wrapping gifts, addressing holiday cards or whatever with her so she doesn’t feel alone.
Leave her small notes that say something like, “All I want for Xmas is to be your man”, or “You do so much for our family, tonight I’m going to take care of YOU!” That kind of care is real foreplay.
Once you’ve helped her catch her breath, it’s time to shift into Sexy Santa mode. Don’t make her wait till the 25th for evidence of your thoughtfulness. Woo her, flirt with her, and remind her she’s still a hot woman, not just a mom/wife/worker bee.
Try things like:
- Giving her “coupons” for a no obligation, 20 minute back rub good thru Dec 31
- Surprise her with small gifts that will make her feel good, like new pajamas, bath salts, her favorite lotions or bottle of wine.
- Tell her to name one holiday fantasy and promise to make it come true.
- Hang mistletoe around your house and kiss her like the two of you are starring in your own private rom-com.
- Brush your hand along her waist as you pass behind her.
- Kiss her shoulder while she’s cooking.
- Tell her what you love about her.
- Flirt with her!
- Flash your legs, chest or butt after a shower.
- Whisper in her ear the delicious ways you’d like to feast on her.
Remember, seduction is a vibe, not a performance. Seduction builds desire without pressure. You’re not asking her to switch gears and suddenly become sexual.
You’re inviting, not demanding, her into a feeling. A delicious, playful, irresistible one.
When a woman feels adored and desired, she warms up faster and stays hot longer. Not just because she has more time or less stress, but because you’ve made her feel like she’s more than the holiday planner responsible for setting everything up for everyone else’s pleasure. She’s your guest of honor. And it’s your pleasure to make sure she enjoys herself.
Here’s to some ideas that can turn an exhausting season into something a lot more exciting and satisfying for both of you!
Beth