Dear Beth,
My husband recently confided that he wants to try pegging, where I wear a strap-on and penetrate him. He says it really turns him on, but I was kind of shocked. I’ve always seen him as very traditionally masculine and I didn’t expect this.
I’m trying to be open, but part of me is wondering… is this normal?
Does it mean he’s secretly gay?
Should I be worried?
Curious and Cautious
Dear Curious,
Wow! I think it’s fantastic that your husband was vulnerable enough to share this desire with you. This is probably a much more common fantasy for straight men than you imagine, but many of them keep it close to the vest rather than risk rejection or ridicule.
Let me be clear: pegging is a sexually pleasurable activity where a woman uses a strap-on dildo to anally penetrate her male partner. That’s it. It doesn’t change his sexual orientation, his masculinity, or the fundamentals of your relationship. (Unless y'all want it to.)
In other words, your boyfriend’s interest in pegging isn’t weird or unnatural. The prostate, sometimes playfully called the “male G-spot”) is located just inside the anus. Stimulating it can create incredibly intense orgasms and pleasure for men. Wanting to explore that erotic experience is just common sense. Why forego healthy pleasures offered by your body? It is no more a sign of sexual confusion than a man who enjoys receiving oral sex from a female partner.
One’s sexual orientation is determined by one’s preferred choice of partner, not by the type of physical pleasure one enjoys. Of course, I get it. We live in a culture that often equates anything anal with gay sex. This creates a lot of shame and misunderstanding. But anal pleasure doesn’t care about gender. It’s about nerve endings, not labels. Your man is showing vulnerability and trust by sharing this with you. That’s a beautiful thing.
If you’re open to exploring it, talk about boundaries, safewords, and preparation (a good silicone lube is imperative!), and always start small. (My team at Sara’s Secret can hook you up with everything you need.) And never forget that you get to decide your pace, your comfort, and whether this becomes a one-time experiment or something you add to your erotic menu.
If it’s not your thing? That’s okay too. As long as the conversation stays honest and respectful. No one’s wrong for what they want, or don’t.
Remember: great lovers are curious, courageous, and willing to explore new ways to enjoy pleasure. Sounds like y’all are off to a pretty exciting start.
With encouragement and enthusiasm,
Beth