Posted by Beth Darling on Oct 5th 2023


    Hi Beth,

    Strange question, but my friend says she can orgasm without touching herself, is that even possible? If so, please tell me how!

    Doubting Debbie

    Dear Debbie,

    An orgasm without any physical stimulation? Sounds crazy, right? But, I gotta tell you… it’s possible. Some people make the magic happen just by using their minds. (Sometimes I wonder how they ever get anything else done!) Erotic hypnosis is also real and can involve using hypnosis and hypnotic suggestions to help one achieve a hands-free orgasm.

    Anyhow, achieving an orgasm without physical stimulation requires serious brain power and an incredible mind-body connection. Mental visualization and various breathing techniques are frequently used to get the mind and body in erotic alignment. While it’s not easy for most people, with a lot of practice, many individuals, regardless of gender, can achieve exhilarating mindgasms. (I watched a platonic male friend of mine have several dry orgasms while fully clothed sitting next to me in my car. He wasn’t thrilled that I was laughing like a crazy person because I couldn’t believe it and I was totally jealous! But fortunately, it didn’t stop his pleasure!

    If you’re interested in pursuing a mental climax on your own, here are a few steps to get you started:

    • Avoid Physical Sexual Arousal: This is probably the hardest thing, but until you learn how to master the mindgasm, you have to sacrifice the “easy” orgasms.
    • Give Yourself Time & Space: Set aside time for yourself in a comfortable space where you won’t worry about being interrupted.
    • Mental Visualization: Spend 15 minutes a day imagining, listening to, or watching erotic scenarios that you find arousing, without touching yourself or allowing anyone else to touch you. Try to get as turned on as possible. (If you can’t get seriously aroused without any touch at the beginning, allow yourself 5 minutes of touching for the first week to get things going, but stop before orgasming! Slowly decrease the time allowed for touching over the next week or so.) Don’t stop an orgasm if it occurs without touching, but don’t get frustrated if it doesn’t. The more often you practice, the more physically aroused you should get and the more likely you’ll be to orgasm at some point.
    • Pay attention to your Breathing: Breathing increases oxygen levels in the bloodstream and can heighten bodily sensations. Experiment with different breathing techniques like slow and deep breaths or short and fast ones. Try to sync your breathing with the arousal level you're visualizing. When you discover which breath patterns increase your arousal, use them throughout your practice sessions.
    • Add Pelvic Muscle Movement: Even though you're not physically touching yourself, you can gently contract and release your pelvic muscles (the muscles you use to stop urination) in rhythm with your breaths to build excitement.
    • Sensations Exploration: Concentrate on the feelings of arousal in your body, whether they’re warm, tingling or a heavy feeling. Notice where the sensations are strongest. Focus on those areas and savor the pleasure. Imagine your breath and the pleasure flowing through your body towards your genitals.
    • Avoid the Urge to Touch! You may find it frustrating to bear this high level of arousal without climaxing for the weeks it may take you to achieve a touch-free orgasm, but it is this intensity that can make it happen. If you are physically stimulated, this practice will simply be a form of edging rather than leading to a “mindgasm."

      Heads up, you may discover that these feel different than you’ve experienced before. Fair warning, this type of orgasm can take a lot of time and patience to achieve, and not everyone is able to experience this type of pleasure. I readily admit that I don’t have the fortitude to commit to the process. If you’re not extremely patient and committed to the process, you might just save yourself the hassle and stick with the familiar hands-on approach.

      Whatever you decide, I wish you pleasure, pleasure, and more pleasure!

      Hugs and Love,