Hi, Beth,
My partner keeps asking me about my sexual fantasies, but I don’t have any. Is this weird?
Wondering Wanda
Dear Wanda
Not at all! Everyone experiences their sexuality differently. Some people have vivid, detailed fantasies, while others don’t naturally think that way—and both are perfectly normal.
I’m guessing that what your partner is likely looking for is a way to connect more deeply, explore what excites you specifically and enhance your sexual experiences together. So just because you haven’t had fantasies in the past doesn’t have to mean you won’t or can’t in the future.
Personally, I think it’s healthy for all of us to foster a healthy sexual imagination, and that’s exactly what fantasies are. There’s no reason to think that a fantasy has to be outrageous, it can be as simple as wanting to skinny dip together. Or just make out in a hot tub. It’s no different than a person who enjoys cooking thinking about new recipes and ways to enhance their skills. Your sexy life should be a source of pleasure to you and thus deserves your attention even when not naked.
One way to start fostering your sexy imagination is by exploring various genres of written erotica or sensual films. You might be surprised by what resonates with you and sparks your desire. Erotica comes in many genres—from romantic and emotional to adventurous or even taboo scenarios. Try reading or listening to short stories and see which ones evoke a positive response. (Or a negative one for that matter!) Similarly, sensual or erotic films (some focus more on intimacy and connection rather than explicitness so there’s something for whatever appeals to you) can provide inspiration and help you discover what intrigues you.
You could also reflect on past experiences or situations where you’ve felt particularly drawn to your partner, or even settings that make you feel sexy. If you don’t have specific fantasies, that’s okay—start by discovering the experiences, ideas, or settings that make you feel curious or excited.
Don’t be afraid to share this journey with your partner. You could say, “I don’t naturally have fantasies, but I’m open to discovering what excites me. Maybe we can explore some ideas together?” Your partner may even enjoy helping you brainstorm or introducing you to things that arouse them.
The key is to see this as an opportunity for mutual exploration. With a sense of adventure and a little curiosity, you might find that you enjoy the process of discovering new aspects of your sexuality—both alone and together.
Cheers to your new sexy journey!
Xoxox,
Beth