Beth,
My boyfriend has been asking about trying anal sex. I’ve never done it before because a lot of what I have heard is that it’s painful. It seems like it’s just something women
do to “please their man.”
I might be willing to try it, but only if there’s a real chance I’ll actually enjoy it, too. Is that possible? Or is this just one of those things we grin and bear for his benefit?
Unsure
Dear Unsure,
I’m so glad you asked! The short answer is yes, women absolutely can enjoy anal sex when it’s done with care, curiosity, and consent. There should never be pressure, pain, or porn expectations.
.
Anal pleasure is real, though it’s a different kind of erotic experience than vaginal or clitoral
stimulation. Most people don’t realize that the anus and rectum are loaded with sensitive nerve
tissue that can respond beautifully to slow, rhythmic stimulation. And just inside, pressure can
indirectly stimulate the vaginal wall and areas close to the G-spot.
Some women can even orgasm from anal sex, especially when it’s paired with clitoral touch or when they’re already highly aroused. Others describe the sensation as deeply sensual, grounding, or a kind of delicious fullness that adds variety to their pleasure menu. There are also those who enjoy the “taboo” of anal sex.
- Anal sex should never hurt. If it does, that usually means something’s going too fast, too dry, or too tense.
- Make sure to set the mood, breathe deeply, relax, and use plenty of high-quality silicone lube. (any Sara’s Secret colleague can help you find the right one).
- Go slowly..like slower-than-you-think slow.
- Start with a well-lubed finger or a small plug, and listen to your body every step of the way.
- Most women also find it more enjoyable if other parts of their body are pleasured at the same time as anal penetration, so they’re not hyper-focused on their butt, which often leads to clenching. Kissing, breast play, clitoral stroking are all things that can help your whole body feel turned on and ready to experience a new pleasure.
- Most importantly, this should never be about tolerating something for someone else’s benefit. If you’re genuinely curious, explore it for you! Not because you feel pressured or obligated. Enthusiastic consent and joyful cooperation are just as important as lube and communication.
If you try it and don’t like it? Totally okay.
If you love it? Even better.
Either way, your body, your pleasure, your rules.
With love and laughter,
Beth