Record or Not: That is the Question

Posted by Beth Darling on Aug 3rd 2022


My boyfriend wants us to make a sex tape and thinks I’m being a prude because I don’t. He says it’s not a big deal and everyone makes them these days- is that true?

~ Laura


Darling Laura,

You aren’t a prude just because you don’t want to make a sex tape. Obviously it’s become much easier these days than it used to be, which means that more people do so, there are still plenty of us who haven’t made one. Me included! And not many people would call me a prude these days, lol. 

When it comes to the decision about making a sexy home video, I think that if any of the following things are true for you, you shouldn’t do it: 

  • if you think your life will be destroyed if others see your video, now or in the future; 
  • if you think you should do it because your partner wants to, not because you want to; 
  • if you aren’t 100% sure that you can trust your partner to delete the video if you don’t like it, break up, or just don’t want to worry about them having it anymore.

On the other hand, if none of the above are true, and you are actually interested in the idea but are just shy/worried about whether you will look good in it or not (this is a real fear for lots of people), then here are some suggestions for you: 

  • use your own camera so that you control the video and can delete it anytime; 
  • take some practice videos (with clothes!) to make sure lighting and angles are flattering; 
  • when filming begins, both of you state your agreement to make the video and promise to keep it confidential; 
  • don’t share the video with your partner until at least a week after the filming to give yourself time to get comfortable with it or opt out. 

After all, the filming and memory of it can be fun even if the video is deleted. I hope this helps give you the confidence to do whatever you feel is best for you. 

Big Hugs!