Playing with Power

Posted by Beth Darling on Mar 23rd 2023

Dear Beth,

My girlfriend told me that she wants me to take charge and be more dominant during sex, but I don’t know what to do. Am I supposed to just boss her around?


Dear Tim,

I don’t blame you for being uncertain. It’s hard when we’re asked to do things we’ve never done before, especially if we aren’t sure exactly what’s expected of us.

In this case, I think the best thing you can do is spend some time with your girlfriend talking about what kinds of things she thinks are sexy. You can ask her directly, and/or you can suggest that each of you find stories, movies, or videos that contain scenes of dominance to give you examples of what turns her on or not. It’s often easier to learn by example than to have to imagine things yourself.

Of course, it’s not only a question of what turns her on. You should find the overlap between her desires and yours that are within your comfort level. The best part of this is that I think you’ll find even the conversations and research erotic!

Here’s hoping that you find your confident, dominant spirit and create great sexy fun in new and exciting ways together.

Hugs and love,