Need A New Motion

Posted by Beth Darling on Aug 30th 2022

Dear Beth,

I love my husband but I’m not really into him physically anymore and don’t know what to do. We have sex a couple of times a month and it’s ok, but it’s not something I look forward to even though I miss the great sex we used to have. I don’t even know if he notices that I’m just going through the motions.

Please help!

Lisa T.

Darling Lisa,

I feel ya! We’d like to think that love is all it takes to keep a marriage happy, but love doesn’t guarantee passion. In fact, the kind of love most of us desire in marriage- a secure, comfortable, familiar relationship- is the exact opposite of the kind of exciting, erotic sexy fun that we crave.

But the good news is, mutual love should give y’all the strength to keep (or create) mutually fulfilling passion even while maintaining the familiar closeness. I think you’d do well to talk to your husband about what you’d like your sexy life to be. Don’t complain about what it’s been, instead focus on what you think it could be. Assure your love and devotion. Ask his help reigniting the excitement, passion and pleasure that you shared previously.

Acknowledge that it stemmed from the newness of the relationship back then, but now, it can come from sharing new erotic experiences together. Even surprising the other! Spend time together creating a list of ideas that each of you think would be “hot” like new sexy props that interest or intrigue you, sexy movies, books or poems that might provide inspiration. Browse through a Sara’s Secret store and ask the staff for ways to spice things up. Then alternate responsibility for planning sexy date nights and use ideas from the list.

I expect that you’ll both be a little nervous, possibly even shy, at the beginning. That’s a good thing! After all, aren’t those the feelings that you had at the beginning of your relationship that blossomed into passion?

Let me know how things go!

Cheers to a healthy balance of new excitement and ongoing love!