More Than A Tap

Posted by Beth Darling on Dec 29th 2022

Dear Beth,

I’m a southern gentleman who learned never to hit a woman. Problem is, my girlfriend of two years keeps asking me to spank her. I’ve given her a few love taps, but she wants more.

I don’t think I can do it. I just can’t understand why she wants me to hurt her.

Is she crazy or am I?


Dear Ted,

I understand your dilemma! We aren’t raised to think that sexual pleasure can include “pain” because the word has such negative connotations. But physiologically, pain causes an endorphin rush, which can be pleasurable. A perfect, socially accepted example is “runner’s high."

I suggest when it comes to sexual pleasure, focus on what level of sensation each of us desires, rather than us judging what’s painful for our partner. We need to accept that some people are turned on by light, gentle touches, others enjoy more intensity.

Even among people who enjoy erotic spankings, there will be significant differences in each person’s desired level of sensation. Some might like hand spankings, others prefer paddles, etc.

In addition to stimulating endorphins, spanking also causes increased blood flow to the pelvic region, which results in heightened sexual arousal. This physical response, along with the chemical high, makes spanking a very popular erotic activity.

This isn’t a recent thing! Historians discovered an ancient fresco depicting a naked woman being spanked by a young man that is thought to be from about 1000 years ago! Of course, there might be any number of other reasons that your girlfriend enjoys spanking, but those will be as unique to her as your erotic arousal template is to you. The reality is, not all spanking gives people the same type of pleasure, if it provides any pleasure at all.

While I’d never tell you to do anything that doesn’t feel right to you, I do suggest you consider your girlfriend's request from this alternate perspective. You are a gentleman who is respectful of women and would never use violence against them. Giving your girlfriend an Erotic Spanking would be simply another pleasurable erotic activity predicated upon mutual consent. Your intention would be to provide her with the level of sensation that maximizes her pleasure, which is the exact opposite of “hurting her."

I hope this helps you sort out your feelings and talk to her about what she finds appealing with erotic spankings. It’s important for both of you to have desires be respected, even if not shared. A small shift in perspective may allow you to enjoy unexpected pleasure!

Cheers to you for being open enough to consider new things!