Frequently Frustrated

Posted by Beth Darling on Mar 14th 2024

Frequently Frustrated

Dear Beth,

I went out with a cool guy that I’ve liked for a while, but when we got to my place, he took care of himself in bed and then left me frustrated. He’s texted me to get together again but I’ve been blowing him off because he isn't the first guy to do this and I'm tired of it.

If I wanted to take care of myself, I wouldn’t be going out with them. Any suggestions for what I can do to make sure a guy pleases me before leaving or falling asleep without seeming like a bitch?


Frequently Frustrated

Hey Frequently Frustrated,

I hear you loud and clear. Been there done that. Or not been done as the case may be, lol.

So I know it’s tough, but when it comes to getting what you want (in and out of bed actually), your best bet is to be forthright. Frankly, your greatest chance of being satisfied is to make your expectations crystal clear before things get really hot and heavy. Next time you're with a guy and thinking about getting naked, let him know that mutual pleasure is a top priority for you and if that’s not his idea of a good time, it’s probably best to part ways before things go

But, if somehow you still find yourself in a situation where your date seems to be basking in his own pleasure without taking care of yours, it's totally okay to steer him in the right direction before things cool off too much. You could say something like, "Hey, I'm glad you're feeling good, but I'm still revved up. I'm sure you're the kind of man who wants a 5* rating, right?" Heck, maybe you even make a point to focus on your pleasure before his – after all, ladies first. ;-)

Note, if anyone thinks you're a bitch for asking for what you want in a respectful manner, you should be happy to move on.

Now, if this guy is still reaching out and you’re willing to consider second chance, it's not too late to address the issue. Ask him point blank why he ignored your pleasure that night. Maybe, just maybe, he'll wise up and realize he messed up. (You’d be amazed how many men assume that their partner orgasms during penetration like they do.)

You can measure his sincerity by the pleasure he gives you the next time. (Needless to say, if he doesn’t please you, there’s no reason for you to worry about his satisfaction either.)

Remember, you deserve a partner who cares about your pleasure. Don't settle for anything less and don’t ever be afraid to advocate for your own pleasure. Hope this helps, and you start enjoying some seriously satisfying sexy adventures ahead!

Hopeful hugs and love,