Emotional Intimacy

Posted on Nov 16th 2022 by Beth Darling

Dear Beth,

I’ve heard you talk about your 5 Kinds of Intimacy, but how do I know if we have emotional intimacy in our marriage?

Thanks for clarifying.

Rachel J.


Great question, Rachel!

If you’re wondering how to tell if you have emotional intimacy in your relationship, consider the following question.

When I feel something happens that makes me feel really good or really bad, does sharing it with my partner make me feel better?

Notice that I’m not focusing on whether they actually solve problems for you. I’m suggesting you pay attention to whether the mere act of sharing your feelings with them has a positive, neutral or negative impact on how you feel.

If your answer is a resounding “Yes! I always feel so much better after talking to them,” then you probably have a healthy level of emotional intimacy which can get even deeper as you deliberately cultivate it.

If it’s “Sometimes," then you’re on the right track so keep working together to get better at it.

Anything else is probably a sign that you should talk to your partner about why there’s such a lack in your connection and come up with a plan to improve things in this area sooner than later. If your situation allows for it, a good coach or therapist is usually an efficient way to improve things quickly.

I’m rooting for you!

Hugs and love,

Beth