Ask Beth: Slippery When Wet

Posted by Beth Darling on Oct 15th 2021

Dear Beth Darling,

I’m 29 and love my husband but sometimes I can’t stay wet enough during sex and it hurts. I don’t want to tell him, because he’ll think it’s because I’m not attracted to him. What can I do?

Mimi B.

Oh Mimi,

Ouch- I hurt for you! And for the millions of other women like you who also struggle with dryness that leads to painful penetration.

I appreciate your concern for your husband's feelings, but the reality is that your level of arousal is only a small part of what’s involved in staying naturally lubricated. Even if you are a woman who is generally “juicy”, this is likely to change at different phases in your life. Not to mention the changes you can expect day to day during your monthly cycles, or with your stress levels. Then if you factor in the huge effect that any medications (especially birth control), lack of sleep, pregnancy, breast feeding, menopause, hydration levels and endless other factors have on your body’s ability to “stay wet”, I hope he’ll see that judging your desire for him by your natural lubrication might be worse odds than Vegas offers.

He also should know that the more often you try to ignore the dryness and have painful sex, the more you are training your body to avoid intimacy. And obviously that’s not what either of you wants.

But, the good news is that this is an easy problem to solve once you are honest with him.

Use good lube. Routinely. Don’t wait till you feel the pain - that’s like adding oil when your engine is already damaged. Like a Ferrari, you want to maintain your body in optimum condition, so it can be ready and raring to go when the action starts!

Plus, research found that women who use good lube have higher levels of sexual satisfaction, and enjoy sex more than those who don’t, which means they have sexy fun more often! If that’s not a win/win, I don’t know what is.

Now, please note that I’ve suggested you use “good lube”. Sadly, not all lubes are created equal, and there are different kinds of lube that are good for different times. To help you navigate this decision process, check out the video I did for you:

I hope you’ll share this info with your hubby asap, watch the video and then head to your closest Sara’s Secret (store or online) pronto, so you’ll be having pleasurable sexy fun in no time!

Let me know how things go and if you have more questions. I’m rooting for your pleasure!

Heaps of Hugs,