Ask Beth: Cuff Me Tender

Posted by Beth Darling on Jan 6th 2022

Dear Beth Darling,

I want to add handcuffs to our sex life with my husband (30 M). We’ve been together for 10 years and have really been working on our sexual compatibility lately to become stronger and closer. It really has been great the last few years. We play with toys and butt play already. We haven’t really done role play or dom/sub stuff though. Suggestions?


Dear Rene,

I’m so impressed that y’all keep broadening your sexy experiences together- that’s an important part of creating a happy, long-lasting relationship.

As for handcuffs- tons of fun awaiting y’all, especially since you’re being smart and seeking advice first. Here are a few thoughts for you:

  • Get clarity around why you want to play with handcuffs and what kind are appealing to you. Ie. Do you want to use actual handcuffs particularly or would any kind of restraints be a turn on?
  • If you want cuffs, do you want the metal, police looking type that are incredibly uncomfortable but are perfect for police roleplays? Or would you prefer furry “play” cuffs? Leather cuffs?
  • If your focus is on restraining rather than the actual cuffs, there are a number of fun, relatively inexpensive and yet effective options such as: Fabric/Velcro restraints, Bondage tape, Rope, and even Silk Sashes.

My suggestion is that you start with one of the restraint options first before you move up to the intensity of cuffs.

You didn’t mention whether you want to do the restraining or not, but either way I’d suggest you imagine what you’d like to do with your husband in reasonable detail, and then share your thoughts with him by describing your ideas just as if you were narrating a story that you find sexy. Then if he’s a “heck yeah, let’s do it now”, great! But if he’s a bit hesitant, you can suggest that he take a week or so to think about it, maybe do some research, and y’all can talk about it then. This can help feel confident instead of worried about what’s expected from him.

I hope this is helpful and that you have a blast exploring the possibilities together.