Dear Beth,
I’ve watched bondage porn and want to try it with my wife, but I don’t want her to think I’m a perv or get freaked out. How do I bring it up without scaring her?
Kenny V.
Dear Kenny,
First off, simply watching bondage porn doesn’t make you a perv or freak. I appreciate your concern about your wife’s feelings. This is probably a good time to remind her (and you) that fantasies, or being curious, about things inspired by porn is completely normal. The key is how you share them with your partner and/or incorporate them into your sexy life.
Remember that porn is entertainment, not a sexual how-to guide. I suggest that when you talk to your wife, you frame it as an invitation to explore rather than a confession. You might say, “I’ve been thinking about ways we could add some excitement to our sex life. The idea of tying you up in a sexy way really turns me on, and I wondered if you might be open to some sexy experimentation with me?”
That way, you’re connecting with her through emotional intimacy by being vulnerable about your desire. At the same time, inviting her to explore is much easier for her to agree to rather than trying to force her into making a snap decision about whether she’s “into” bondage or not.
To prevent her from worrying that you’re thinking about something extreme, let her know right away that you’re interested in starting with easy things like a silk scarf around her wrists or as a blindfold.
Of course, in exchange, I hope you’ll be just as curious about her fantasies. Ask what excites her, or makes her curious. Even if she isn’t ready to actually try them yet. Simply sharing our sexy thoughts strengthens our bond and increases trust.
I hope this lights the way to some fun, sexy adventures for y’all.
Hopeful hugs,
Beth
Bonus Tip: Before you even bring up cuffs or blindfolds, try a simple “hands above your head” moment during sex. Hold her wrists gently against the pillow and see how she responds. It’s a light, no-tools-needed way to test the waters.